your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
