I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
