just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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