What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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