We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
