Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
People in love make me want to vomit
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
