I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
this hospital has no fireball
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
