my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
