Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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