ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
