All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
