I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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