My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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