Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I fill condoms, not promises.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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