my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
