so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
