I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize