Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize