its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
