im so drunk with asians
where?
always
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
