at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
