"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
