Will you blow on my dice?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
