just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
