Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize