Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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