i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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