I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
