I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
