I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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