So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
