dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
