her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
