just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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