Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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