Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
