things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
