id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
