that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
