Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
