I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
