Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
