I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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