my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Oh god it's open bar.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
