she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
