I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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