How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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