How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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