I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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