He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
