you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
