You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
