After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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