This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
