do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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