the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
