I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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