Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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