I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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