im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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