Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
