Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
