Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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