Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
