Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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