I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
